Today is Fan Mail Friday #8
If you are not familiar with our "Fan Mail Friday #n" featurette, please familiarize yourself by reading this entry before proceeding, or that chicken you ate last night may come to life on its way out.
This week's fan mail comes from Agleteer Foster, (The Supreme Aglet will not reveal the full identity of fan mail contributors unless specifically requested):
Agleteer Foster, this is America. In America, you are the country, (which causes me some distress in your case).
With that in mind, a more efficient way to solve your problem would be to become President of this country--or better yet, work around the clock and dedicate the rest of your life to making me President. If elected, I promise to put an end to this silly requirement of paying for postage stamps.
That's right! Simply make me President, and mailing in for those TV offers will be a snap! Get started right now, and you'll get this beautiful set of Ginsu knives!
No more licking. No more standing in line at the post office for questionably heavy items. No more trying to line up the stamp with the little box on the envelope!
Housewife: [surrounded with stacks of letters] I used to pay to send all these, and I had to mail them one at a time! But since I got this new and improved President, I just dial up his postal minions, and my letters are wisked away, just like that!
Young Man in a Ferrari: Before I got my new President, I was drowning in debt from paying for letter after letter. But now, I drive a Ferrari!
You too can benefit from free lifetime postage! Just make me President!
But wait, there's more!
If you elect me President, you'll also get an oval "I Voted" sticker just for voting! This rare sticker comes ensconched in a beautiful folding display case, and each comes with a certificate of authenticity on its backside confirming that it sticks.
You get it all: the knives, the free postage, the "I Voted" sticker, for the amazingly low price of one vote, and the world of the Supreme Aglet is once again in perfect balance.
This week's fan mail comes from Agleteer Foster, (The Supreme Aglet will not reveal the full identity of fan mail contributors unless specifically requested):
i'm thinking of starting a country with my cousin. both of us like to call in to those commercials that sell things where you have to mail in a check, and we figure having our own country would save us money on stamps because we can have our own postal service for free. how do you start a country?
Agleteer Foster, this is America. In America, you are the country, (which causes me some distress in your case).
With that in mind, a more efficient way to solve your problem would be to become President of this country--or better yet, work around the clock and dedicate the rest of your life to making me President. If elected, I promise to put an end to this silly requirement of paying for postage stamps.
That's right! Simply make me President, and mailing in for those TV offers will be a snap! Get started right now, and you'll get this beautiful set of Ginsu knives!
No more licking. No more standing in line at the post office for questionably heavy items. No more trying to line up the stamp with the little box on the envelope!
Housewife: [surrounded with stacks of letters] I used to pay to send all these, and I had to mail them one at a time! But since I got this new and improved President, I just dial up his postal minions, and my letters are wisked away, just like that!
Young Man in a Ferrari: Before I got my new President, I was drowning in debt from paying for letter after letter. But now, I drive a Ferrari!
You too can benefit from free lifetime postage! Just make me President!
But wait, there's more!
If you elect me President, you'll also get an oval "I Voted" sticker just for voting! This rare sticker comes ensconched in a beautiful folding display case, and each comes with a certificate of authenticity on its backside confirming that it sticks.
You get it all: the knives, the free postage, the "I Voted" sticker, for the amazingly low price of one vote, and the world of the Supreme Aglet is once again in perfect balance.
posted by The Supreme Aglet at 6:16 AM
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